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How to Sharpen your Elevator Pitch – Before & After Examples

Here’s are Before & After Elevator Pitch Examples for Healthcare, IT Consulting, International Business Coaching, Supply Chain, and Editorial Writing.

Healthcare

Before:

I help healthcare organizations improve operational performance.

Observations:

==> This isn’t Oddly Specific. A healthcare organization could be anything from a doctor’s office to a surgical center to an insurance provider.

==> This doesn’t pass the Pillow Talk Test – no one says to their spouse “Ok honey, today’s the day. I’m going to improve operational performance.”

We dug into her recent client success story, which had to do with running an Emergency Room during COVID. Now that’s a great example of a specific healthcare organization with a particular operational challenge.

After:

I run emergency rooms during a crisis such as COVID.

IT Consulting

Before:

I help tech firms simplify their projects and products.

Observations:

==> This isn’t Oddly Specific. “Projects and products” describe everything, so there’s nothing for the listener to latch on to. 

==> “Tech firms” is fine, and simplify is headed in the right direction.

We dug into his recent client success story, which had to do with helping a background check company connect to a variety of court databases with surprisingly little code.

Note that when you read this, it seems preposterously specific. Remember, thought, that specifics start conversations. If you’re major league baseball trying to connect with stat sources, or a digital marketing firm connecting with various demographic and psychographic databases, or the city of Boston trying to source job data, you’ll see yourself in this example.

After:

I help background check companies connect to court databases with less code.

International Business Coaching

Before:

I help entrepreneurs expand to the USA.

Observations:

==> “Entrepreneurs” isn’t Oddly Specific

==> While “expand to the USA” is ok, it begs the question or “from where?”

We dug into her recent client success story, which had to do with helping a tech company in Belgium successfully expand their presence in the US. 

She resisted naming Belgium – it seemed like it was cutting off her options. Remember, thought, that if you say Belgium, and they are from France, they won’t think “oh, this isn’t for me.” Instead, they’ll think “why Belgium” and as if she can handle France. That’s how you get people to pre-qualify themselves using your oddly specific Elevator Pitch.

After:

I help tech companies from Belgium expand their presence in the USA.

Supply Chain

Before:

I help manufacturers overcome supply chain challenges.

Observations:

==> “Supply chain challenges” isn’t Oddly Specific. It means something to this consultant, but it doesn’t give any specifics for someone to latch on to.

We dug into her recent client success story, which had to do with determining high level strategy based on sales forecasts and dealing with very real issues in sourcing materials in a COVID world.

After:

I help manufacturers match production to projected sales.

Editorial Writing

Before:

I help banking and finance senior leaders articulate their exceptional ideas with my expertise in editorial content writing and corporate communications strategy.

Observations:

==> This is simply too long, and you never want to use “and” in an Elevator Pitch. If you offer one thing, that makes you an expert who could branch out into other areas. If you offer multiple things than no one will know which thing to look for so they won’t look for anything.

==> Note that I am not suggesting she limit the services she offers. I’m merely suggesting that she market one of those services as an in to starting conversations with the right people who will want to understand the true breadth of her expertise.

Her short pitch is there in what she said, we just have to delete most of the words and pull out the essence of what she does.

After:

I write editorial content for wealth managers.


What’s your short pitch?

Is it oddly specific? Does it pass the pillow talk test?

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