Margie’s Pitch

I’ll let Margie tell the story:

“What would you say if you found yourself in the elevator with the hiring manager for your dream job?

It better be a “Conversation Starter”  as Elevator Pitch Coach Andrew Winig points out in this article.

It’s a common mistake to use those 30 seconds to provide a mini-bio listing skills and benefits.

Which causes prospect’s eyes to glaze over.

And discourages further conversation.

I had written and re-written my elevator pitch many times in an attempt to make it succinct and memorable.

However, it did not invite the audience to want to know more, to ask the next question, to continue the conversation.

Recently, Elevator Pitch Coach Andrew Winig was a guest speaker at Career Transitions of Greater Boston.

It was not the first time I heard him speak, but it was the first time I took him up on his offer for an Elevator Pitch Coaching Session.

This was my Elevator Pitch before:

Did you know that 75% of the adult population would love to become self sufficient but only 5% ever get there? My name is Margie and I’m a self-employment and career coach with the Entrepreneur Source. My personal mission is to show people how they can use their career as a vehicle to achieve their personal goals. I do this by helping them to gain clarity about what their personal goals needs and expectations are identifying their motivators and transferable skills and then helping to explore alternative self employment opportunities that might be a good vehicle to help them realize those goals. I offer complimentary coaching services to professionals who are business minded, self-confident, open-minded, and willing to invest in themselves. My name is Margie and I’m a self-employment career coach.

Andrew asked me to prepare for our meeting by bringing him real examples of success stories, which I did. We reviewed five or six stories and Andrew selected one of them. Then we worked on telling that story in just 30 seconds. Here is the result:

I’m a career coach, so let me give you an example of a recent client success. Maybe you know someone like this. I was working with a professional who was putting in so much overtime that he had no time left for his wife and kids and he still wasn’t making enough progress towards his goals of funding his kids’ education and retiring before age 65. Through our coaching process I identified 4 business ownership options, all of which he rejected until we took a closer look at how they matched his business model and goals for work and family life. He decided to purchase one of those businesses, an existing Certa Pro painting business, and I am happy to report that he is doing well and the franchisor considers him one of their ideal franchisees. My name is Margie, with Entrepreneur Source, and I can show you additional career opportunities that you may not have considered.

I practice this pitch out loud every chance I get to smooth out the delivery and make it my own.

I tried it out with the Career Transitions group last week and they gave it the thumbs up.

What do you think?”

Which of Margie’s pitches do you find more engaging?